KILL IT!!! KILL IT WITH FIRE!!! Jeezus Johnny 5 has had a rough couple of years!...(Short Circuit anyone? no? okie doke...)
Oh, hey people? If you can get past that monumentally disturbing image above, I will briefly explain why I have fallen squarely out of love with the Assassin's Creed franchise as of their last offering, Unity.
I get that it's easy to be lazy, complacent even. I mean look at me, 3 month old blog with barely half a dozen page-long articles, but then again I'm not a multi-million game production company that rakes in the GDP of most 3rd world countries in one fiscal quarter. That company's name is Ubisoft, once critical and consumer darling who anyone that even remotely considers themselves a gamer has either sampled their wares or know they had a rough 2014.
Not that 2014 was a particularly great year for games in general, though there were some genuine gems even by Ubisoft! (*refer to my Shadows of Mordor piece) The prevalent problem it seems is the urge to release games at launch dates, some of which were set a year or more ago. An admirable goal I'm sure, but anything production related often requires relaxed deadlines for polish and troubleshooting. Video games in particular require 3rd, 4th and even 5th passes by programmers and artists, all while being subjected to rigorous Quality control testing across all relevant platforms and configurations.
With that in mind, Assassin's Creed: Unity has to be one of the most broken interactive experiences mechanically and narratively, which is such a shame as it comes hot on the tails of my favorite entry, Black Flag. Let me explain why!
(Warning: the following exposition may be a vulgar passion filled diatribe much like a heated letter to your ex...)
First of all, where are my ships Ubisoft?! Where are my goddamn ships?!?! You can't give me ships AND make me a pirate in Black Flag...then land lock me in revolutionary France with worse traversal mechanics than 2 games ago!
It's like after you put a ring on it and say I do, a certain "special treat" stops immediately (right guys? right?) and you're left there thinking you hallucinated the whole thing.
Moving on! Unity might also as well have been set in any frou-frou period where men wore frills, heels, make-up and spoke with posh British accents despite being a different ethnicity altogether *sigh*
For one, revolutionary France and it's historical characters, some of whom are glanced over in one of the myriad dull story beats are merely backdrop and props upon which this thoroughly tepid work of fiction is draped. Now Assassin's Creed canon has generally not been known for particularly strong narrative, but their stand outs are often the protagonists and occasional villain. Al-tair, Ezio, Haytham and Edward Kenway, even Adewale were strong characters with clear motivations and archetypes which drove the story arcs in which they were involved. The same cannot be said for Arno Victor Dorian, who smacks of teenage impetuousness and single minded drive which makes him a very tiresome crux upon which the story revolves. Too often he (meaning you) rashly acts against orders, endangering his superiors, loved ones and even citizens, then have to correct his blunders immediately after. That being as much of the "plot" I can safely relay without spoilers save for the usual Templar versus Assassins order formula we've come to expect.
I could have forgiven the story its shortcomings had I even gotten the same old same old game-play wise, but no, Ubisoft had to go put canned cheese on my foie gras! The Parkour traversal system which the franchise is famous for has been tweaked to make it more fluid (read automated) and better include building interiors which were not as common in previous entries. That should be a good thing, right? For the most part yes, but due to Unity's quirky nature in terms of physics, collision detection and checkpoints it can often frustrate to no end. Arno will often stop dead from running full tilt mid evasion or pursuit because of some invisible barrier imperceptible from whatever angle, which can cost you mission success should you fail to find an alternate route in time. What's more annoying is that if this happens while climbing, jumping or being generally agile, it can leave you stuck helplessly then having to restart from a checkpoint 10 to 15 minutes previous. This happens often enough that one can spend an hour on a 20 minute mission due to the replication of these glitches. Particularly amusing however are floating characters (seemingly raptured), falling through the world randomly into oblivion, and disappearing faces and hair (as above).
Still, ever the long suffering fan, I powered through to the bitter end and found myself strangely sad that it was over. it wasn't because the ending was memorable or emotional, not because I enjoyed it all that much, but because it was Assassin's Creed. I fear that Ubisoft have the same notion, but rather than look at it with the aspirational doe eyes of a fan, to them it's a just a cash cow now. Another yearly staple that pays their christmas bonuses along with the Call of Dutys, Fifas and Maddens of the world, and that breaks my little black heart.
That's all the Under Achieving for today folks.
Au revoir! et Vive la Resistance!
Side-Note: This game has one of the worst implementations of pay to play and companion app integration to date. It didn't work at launch, barely works now and despite several patches many items only accessible via this system are essentially blocked. Also the price! $100 to buy in game currency for a $60 game! Sacre bleu! Zut alors! Omelette du fromage!
Assassins Creed collectibles...ain't nobody got time for that!
Oh, hey people? If you can get past that monumentally disturbing image above, I will briefly explain why I have fallen squarely out of love with the Assassin's Creed franchise as of their last offering, Unity.
I get that it's easy to be lazy, complacent even. I mean look at me, 3 month old blog with barely half a dozen page-long articles, but then again I'm not a multi-million game production company that rakes in the GDP of most 3rd world countries in one fiscal quarter. That company's name is Ubisoft, once critical and consumer darling who anyone that even remotely considers themselves a gamer has either sampled their wares or know they had a rough 2014.
Not that 2014 was a particularly great year for games in general, though there were some genuine gems even by Ubisoft! (*refer to my Shadows of Mordor piece) The prevalent problem it seems is the urge to release games at launch dates, some of which were set a year or more ago. An admirable goal I'm sure, but anything production related often requires relaxed deadlines for polish and troubleshooting. Video games in particular require 3rd, 4th and even 5th passes by programmers and artists, all while being subjected to rigorous Quality control testing across all relevant platforms and configurations.
With that in mind, Assassin's Creed: Unity has to be one of the most broken interactive experiences mechanically and narratively, which is such a shame as it comes hot on the tails of my favorite entry, Black Flag. Let me explain why!
(Warning: the following exposition may be a vulgar passion filled diatribe much like a heated letter to your ex...)
First of all, where are my ships Ubisoft?! Where are my goddamn ships?!?! You can't give me ships AND make me a pirate in Black Flag...then land lock me in revolutionary France with worse traversal mechanics than 2 games ago!
It's like after you put a ring on it and say I do, a certain "special treat" stops immediately (right guys? right?) and you're left there thinking you hallucinated the whole thing.
Moving on! Unity might also as well have been set in any frou-frou period where men wore frills, heels, make-up and spoke with posh British accents despite being a different ethnicity altogether *sigh*
For one, revolutionary France and it's historical characters, some of whom are glanced over in one of the myriad dull story beats are merely backdrop and props upon which this thoroughly tepid work of fiction is draped. Now Assassin's Creed canon has generally not been known for particularly strong narrative, but their stand outs are often the protagonists and occasional villain. Al-tair, Ezio, Haytham and Edward Kenway, even Adewale were strong characters with clear motivations and archetypes which drove the story arcs in which they were involved. The same cannot be said for Arno Victor Dorian, who smacks of teenage impetuousness and single minded drive which makes him a very tiresome crux upon which the story revolves. Too often he (meaning you) rashly acts against orders, endangering his superiors, loved ones and even citizens, then have to correct his blunders immediately after. That being as much of the "plot" I can safely relay without spoilers save for the usual Templar versus Assassins order formula we've come to expect.
I could have forgiven the story its shortcomings had I even gotten the same old same old game-play wise, but no, Ubisoft had to go put canned cheese on my foie gras! The Parkour traversal system which the franchise is famous for has been tweaked to make it more fluid (read automated) and better include building interiors which were not as common in previous entries. That should be a good thing, right? For the most part yes, but due to Unity's quirky nature in terms of physics, collision detection and checkpoints it can often frustrate to no end. Arno will often stop dead from running full tilt mid evasion or pursuit because of some invisible barrier imperceptible from whatever angle, which can cost you mission success should you fail to find an alternate route in time. What's more annoying is that if this happens while climbing, jumping or being generally agile, it can leave you stuck helplessly then having to restart from a checkpoint 10 to 15 minutes previous. This happens often enough that one can spend an hour on a 20 minute mission due to the replication of these glitches. Particularly amusing however are floating characters (seemingly raptured), falling through the world randomly into oblivion, and disappearing faces and hair (as above).
Still, ever the long suffering fan, I powered through to the bitter end and found myself strangely sad that it was over. it wasn't because the ending was memorable or emotional, not because I enjoyed it all that much, but because it was Assassin's Creed. I fear that Ubisoft have the same notion, but rather than look at it with the aspirational doe eyes of a fan, to them it's a just a cash cow now. Another yearly staple that pays their christmas bonuses along with the Call of Dutys, Fifas and Maddens of the world, and that breaks my little black heart.
That's all the Under Achieving for today folks.
Au revoir! et Vive la Resistance!
Side-Note: This game has one of the worst implementations of pay to play and companion app integration to date. It didn't work at launch, barely works now and despite several patches many items only accessible via this system are essentially blocked. Also the price! $100 to buy in game currency for a $60 game! Sacre bleu! Zut alors! Omelette du fromage!
Assassins Creed collectibles...ain't nobody got time for that!
Also Johnny 5...seriously? No one?..."Johnneee saaad"...me too Johnny, me too...