Anyone catch that new South Park last week? I laughed and laughed and laughed and la...ahem...Aaanyhu, if you haven't guessed from the post title yet, I'm gonna go on a bit of a rant about "Free" to play software. We've all been there, on the sending or receiving end of those umpteen incessantly annoying game requests from friends and strangers prompting you to either join or help out in their inane quest to level up in Candy Farm Saga 5: flappy kardashian edition or some such.
Time was, such requests were grounds for me un-friending dozens of casual acquaintances with whom my entire interactions consisted of pokes and browser game related spam. It was easy enough to dismiss those offerings, as most consisted of menial repetitive tasks carried out over a lunch break or two each week. Heck, I remember giving Mafia Wars a spin until it started asking for real live money. And I guess that's always been my problem, because then I'm like "who pays for this shit?!"
Now back then it was an easy enough question, and a good laugh would be had along with a hearty "pshhhh!!!" but now I kinda see the honey trap in all its money grubbing glory. The problem begins with how impressive games look on mobile devices now. Most cell phones can now push out graphics that have your old play-station sighing jealously in the closet where it currently resides, in its new capacity as door stop. Then comes the kicker, "pssst...download it for FREE!!!" I mean that's the best kind of deal right?
Now most people are looking to kill the 10 minutes of mind numbing solitude on the commute to work, or desperately avoiding the specter of human interaction...and that's fine, but as a recent card carrying member of the over-qualified under-employed demographic I can tell you, things get out of hand fast! Take my favorites for example, the Asphalt/Real Racing series and Rival Knights...not surprisingly mostly from Gameloft...free to download in the android app store, standard set up and log in ritual, then boom! credit card info. Before you even play, a myriad of in-app purchase options assault your visual orbs with the promise of being a "bargain". It becomes even more hilarious when currency localization kicks in i.e USD to Kshs, because it becomes immediately apparent that that car upgrade might set you back a weeks pay.
So obviously you ignore this initial volley of digital hawking and proceed to this bigger, better, faster version you just spent half your data bundle acquiring. It always starts the same, tutorial, get your bearings and it's the feeling of home, the 2014 edition. This feeling is compounded by the carefully crafted and highly patronizing statements that feverishly splash on your screen for every small action taken early on. "Wow!" "Your a pro!!" "Good job!" "Amazing!" Uhm...I'm still in the menu, game..calm your binary mammaries!™ (Note to self: develop app that turns nagging into this fluff) on and on it goes, until inevitably you hit the progress wall. That exquisitely frustrating moment when your point scoring ability becomes woefully inadequate for buying any further upgrades, items or levels going forward. Up to now, your measly mid hundreds scoreline bought you that next character, candy type or car no problem, so why is everything suddenly worth a million and only unlocks if you perform a task akin to landing a jumbo jet on a fly's taint?!
So you grind and grind, an after many wasted hours you have 10,000 of the million or so you require. Yeah...that's not happening! and then a strange thought claws its way through your now roughly ramen noodle consistency grey matter. "Just once" you say. "The cheap pack, seems worth it. x cash and x gold for 5 bucks! That's not so bad." And so they have you now, we hardly knew ye friend. Because from that hole there is no return, until that bank statement comes around for that "Oh fuck!" moment. So yeah, I'm done, good thing too because who knows, in a few months I could have found myself roaming the streets giving hand jobs to hobos for some left over shwarma mumbling to myself "A...achievement unlocked...achievement unlooooocked!!!" Lucky for me as with all things, I'm ever the under achiever, and I guess in that respect I AM consistent. My point, I suppose at the end of this diatribe is, games used to be fun for fun's sake, not a financial risk on par with going to Vegas with your life savings in a see through Duffel bag. But that's just me.
-C.K
Time was, such requests were grounds for me un-friending dozens of casual acquaintances with whom my entire interactions consisted of pokes and browser game related spam. It was easy enough to dismiss those offerings, as most consisted of menial repetitive tasks carried out over a lunch break or two each week. Heck, I remember giving Mafia Wars a spin until it started asking for real live money. And I guess that's always been my problem, because then I'm like "who pays for this shit?!"
Now back then it was an easy enough question, and a good laugh would be had along with a hearty "pshhhh!!!" but now I kinda see the honey trap in all its money grubbing glory. The problem begins with how impressive games look on mobile devices now. Most cell phones can now push out graphics that have your old play-station sighing jealously in the closet where it currently resides, in its new capacity as door stop. Then comes the kicker, "pssst...download it for FREE!!!" I mean that's the best kind of deal right?
Now most people are looking to kill the 10 minutes of mind numbing solitude on the commute to work, or desperately avoiding the specter of human interaction...and that's fine, but as a recent card carrying member of the over-qualified under-employed demographic I can tell you, things get out of hand fast! Take my favorites for example, the Asphalt/Real Racing series and Rival Knights...not surprisingly mostly from Gameloft...free to download in the android app store, standard set up and log in ritual, then boom! credit card info. Before you even play, a myriad of in-app purchase options assault your visual orbs with the promise of being a "bargain". It becomes even more hilarious when currency localization kicks in i.e USD to Kshs, because it becomes immediately apparent that that car upgrade might set you back a weeks pay.
So obviously you ignore this initial volley of digital hawking and proceed to this bigger, better, faster version you just spent half your data bundle acquiring. It always starts the same, tutorial, get your bearings and it's the feeling of home, the 2014 edition. This feeling is compounded by the carefully crafted and highly patronizing statements that feverishly splash on your screen for every small action taken early on. "Wow!" "Your a pro!!" "Good job!" "Amazing!" Uhm...I'm still in the menu, game..calm your binary mammaries!™ (Note to self: develop app that turns nagging into this fluff) on and on it goes, until inevitably you hit the progress wall. That exquisitely frustrating moment when your point scoring ability becomes woefully inadequate for buying any further upgrades, items or levels going forward. Up to now, your measly mid hundreds scoreline bought you that next character, candy type or car no problem, so why is everything suddenly worth a million and only unlocks if you perform a task akin to landing a jumbo jet on a fly's taint?!
So you grind and grind, an after many wasted hours you have 10,000 of the million or so you require. Yeah...that's not happening! and then a strange thought claws its way through your now roughly ramen noodle consistency grey matter. "Just once" you say. "The cheap pack, seems worth it. x cash and x gold for 5 bucks! That's not so bad." And so they have you now, we hardly knew ye friend. Because from that hole there is no return, until that bank statement comes around for that "Oh fuck!" moment. So yeah, I'm done, good thing too because who knows, in a few months I could have found myself roaming the streets giving hand jobs to hobos for some left over shwarma mumbling to myself "A...achievement unlocked...achievement unlooooocked!!!" Lucky for me as with all things, I'm ever the under achiever, and I guess in that respect I AM consistent. My point, I suppose at the end of this diatribe is, games used to be fun for fun's sake, not a financial risk on par with going to Vegas with your life savings in a see through Duffel bag. But that's just me.
-C.K
*THIS WASN'T EVEN A JOKE Y'ALL...